I have sold a lot of stuff. I’ve sold about a billion hamburgers, and half-ton pick-ups, and whatever it is AT&T makes, and investment things, and beer and wine, and weird shit like aluminum and vacations to Fiji, and milk. Having worked in the advertising business for over forty years, I’ve probably forgotten most of the stuff I’ve sold.

Over that time, big name companies entrusted hundreds of millions (if not billions) of dollars to me to help them sell their stuff. In order to do that I had to pretend to listen to their marketing people. Being the good citizen that I am, I listened respectfully. Then I mostly ignored them and did it my way.

Of course, there were times they wouldn’t let me do it my way. This involved months of research, and focus groups, and reports, and powerpoint presentations, and meetings about powerpoint presentations, and reports about meetings, and meetings about memos, and memos about reports about meetings. In other words, an undiluted, full-bodied, multidisciplinary clusterfuck that invariably resulted in some horseshit about "quality and value."

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This book - or whatever it is -  is my revenge. I've taken some stuff I've written over 15 years about the foibles, failures and fecklessness of marketers and compiled them here for my own entertainment and, hopefully, yours.